Tag Archives: #todayiam

Today I AM: Detoxing

Today I AM detoxing. There is debate as to whether detoxes are necessary. Some experts say it isn’t and some say it is ok to reset your clock every now and then. I think, whether you are for or against detoxing, we can all agree on one thing: If you let too much junk in, you are eventually going to pay the ultimate price–your peace.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I ate 6 added pounds worth of crap. My belly is bloated, I feel icky, I have low energy, and my body just overall hates me right now–and with good reason. The peaceful balance had been up-ended. I stuffed her full of food. So, this morning on the way to work, I decided to commit to a (2) day juice detox. Just juice for (2) whole days (ugh). I can’t say for certain (right now at this very carb cranky moment) that I feel all that cleansed, but I know in the end I will.

Sometimes, you have to stop yourself, take inventory, and clean house. It could mean deafening the outside world for a bit. It could mean keeping your purse closed for a minute. It could mean swearing off dating for a second. It could mean being silent and listening for a long while. Or it could simply mean drinking juice for (2) straight….days (ugh).  But no matter the reason for the detox, it is always a good idea every once and a while. Re-up. Re-load. Reset. And (for no other reason than not looking 6 months pregnant) I plan to do just that today. My stomach is growling, I think I actually saw my fingers as chicken tenders, and my bladder is about to burst but it is all worth it. I have peace knowing I loved myself enough to clean house.

~SM

Today I AM: Back To Happy

I can honestly say I am happy. I can also honestly say I have not completely found joy, but with the new found happiness I believe I am moving in the right direction.

Perhaps the dark veil has been lifted or maybe I just decided to not give a damn. Either way it happened. The long self-talks and the even longer steamy hot showers, the weekend brunches and the dating (self) have proven to be helpful tools in recovery. I have been able to weed the Garden of Sommer and learn to take every day one moment at a time.

I was a die hard planner. Always have been, really, but after having kids planning (and back-up planning) became an essential part of life. When the winds of change came huffing, puffing and blowing my house down, I realized all of the plotting and planning in the world could not save anything. All of the lists and calendars and control-freak tendencies would never make life easier….it only prolonged the eventual crazy.

Each day, I get up, I say thanks to God, read the verse of the day and the rest is up for debate. I don’t worry about the day ahead, who has what, who is going where, or why they are doing/going/seeing/moving/saying. Each quarter of my day is based on simplicity. Some days, like any other human, I get in my own stupid way, but for the most part I float.  Nothing is left to order…everything is left to chance.

It is liberating to just simply let go. You hear people say it all of the time. “Let go and let God” or “If you love something, let it go” or just simply “Let it go”. Eckart Tolle says it best when he says all we have is right now, this moment. Letting go has helped me to become a happier individual. The only plan I am currently making is to stick around in Happy Town for a bit. It feels so good to be back.

~SM

Today I AM: Gifting

Today I AM gifting. I love giving gifts. Giving is a special experience, if it is done right. It is a rare peek into the brain of the giver. The receiver gets to see how they are being viewed, are they being listened to, and if they are truly appreciated. Every once in a while I find myself buying a muffin or a card (that never gets sent…my post office skills are horrid) or a small trinket just to say ‘I see you’. Today, I am seeing someone. Unsure of who just yet, but I feel the gift of giving stirring around in my belly. I hope it makes a difference in their day….it will certainly make a difference in mine 🙂

~SM

Today I AM: Praising God

Today I AM breathing God. I am packing Him in my lungs and holding on tight. There are times when I can’t breathe or speak or sing or walk or see, praying or not. There are moments when clouds hover and mist rolls in, blurring the path to clarity. But He never stops putting breath into me, or speaking to me, or singing to me, or walking with me, or seeing me. He never stops clearing the path–blurry or not. I make space and stop time to say thank you daily….but sometimes….it deserves to be shouted.

~SM

Queen To Be

Confidence has never really been my strong suit. At one point, I think I had some but it was fleeting. I never think I am pretty enough, I  never thought I was skinny enough, and I never really believed I was smart enough. I suppose it could be said I just never really felt like I was enough….of anything. This morning, with the help of a big booty and a tribal print dress, all of that changed.

This morning driving to work, I noticed a woman–healthy in size–walking down the street. Her purse on her shoulder, her over-sized butt bouncing beneath her brown/orange/white tribal print dress…she reminded me of a woman. A real woman. The kind of woman those old statues encased in glass under museum lights resemble. She reminded me of birth. She reminded me of work. She reminded me of strength and hope and love and fire and power. She was a woman…just like me.

I drove past wondering if she knew what I knew. With every step she held power. She was born powerful. It dawned on me that I was her, too. I hold (and have held) life within my body. Life. I hold warmth and love and strength and hope and fire and power within every fiber of my being.

I can’t say today I am brimming with confidence, but I am walking a little straighter. I am walking with recognition of the place I hold upon the Earth. Perhaps the knowing of power is just the catalyst needed to believe in it and exude it daily. I am a queen. I have always been. I was born royal.

~SM

Today I AM: Okay

Today I AM okay. Not every day has to be something. Some days are just plain ol’ okay kinda days. It is alright to neither be happy, sad, joyous, angry, busy, lazy, sleepy or energetic. Sometimes, it is just fine and dandy to simply be okay.

~SM

Today I AM: Wanting the More

Today I AM wanting the more. Yesterday ended a very nice trip out of town. Of course pulling up in the driveway was nice and seeing familiarity was good, however, I still was not ok. I wanted the more. You know…the more…the more out of life lurking in the shadows. I no longer want the mediocre. I no longer want the “well…it’s a _____” or the “at least it’s ____”.  I want the sigh of “I can’t believe I’m doing/seeing/holding ___” and big smiles. I want the ability to chart my own territory. I want the more.  I need the more. I feel stifled and unhappy without it. I feel held back and out of place. There is more–I can feel it vibrating above, beside, below. There is more…there is the more…there is my more…and I want it.

~SM

Today I AM: A Traveler

Today I AM a traveler.  For months and months I have been pining to travel. I have watched planes fly over head and wished I could just reach up and go too. I have planned vacations that I am pretty sure I can’t possibly afford. I have thumbed through the blank pages of my passport and reminded myself that I have 9 years left to make it useful. I have stared at maps and flipped through travel magazines all to remind myself that there is more out there to see and do and feel. Today (albeit I didn’t go very far) I am a traveler. I traveled to a different time zone, breathed different air, drove on different roads and even though it isn’t that major of a distance–it is a world away for me. I am so giddy! This is what I have been waiting for…to just pack a bag (or 4) and go. Oh the places I will go….

~SM

Today I AM: Happy

Today I AM happy. I don’t think I have ever really ever been happy. I have felt happiness. I have felt things that mimic happy, but I have never really known happy. Today I know happy. I am happy with being alone. I am happy with my body (go figure!). I am happy with my position in life. I am just happy with it all. Happiness, I have very recently found, has nothing to do with the external. It isn’t contentment. It isn’t acceptance. It’s being right where you are and having gratitude for being a step further than you were. It’s loving everything…the good, the bad, the fat and the ugly. It’s forgiving others, sure, but definitely forgiving self. Happiness isn’t guilt feelings over things that were said or done. It’s telling the anger, the hurt, or pain that while you acknowledge its place, your heart no longer has room enough to receive it. Happy is good. Happy is feeling like a room without a roof 😉

~SM

Today I AM: Faithful In Prayer

Today I AM faithful in prayer.  I had learned over the years that when one prays, they are to first be thankful…second be intentional…and third be faithful. As I have been reawakened by various life circumstances, the slight prayer education I received has played a major role in how I am able to still stand. The thankful part is simple and the intentional part is pretty easy too. It is that faithful part that messes up the whole thing.  But I am learning quickly that the faithful part is just as important as the prayer itself. When you step to God with gratitude, purpose and intention, walk away knowing that it is already done. Expect the change. Expect the favor. Expect the answer you so boldly sought. It might not come when you want it or how you want it but it will always come when you need it.