Tag Archives: happiness

Transcending Flesh

I was explaining to a friend the randomness I have been experiencing as of late. She listened patiently, nodding in silent agreement of being there once or twice, and when I was done rambling she said something that made the randomness make perfect sense.

Lately, I have had somewhat of an out of body experience, for lack of better words. It feels like I am wearing the suit of someone else. I am wearing a life that does not quite belong to me. I am the round peg being forced into a triangular hole.

Nothing in my current life feels comfortable. My mind and my spirit are in one place and my flesh and circumstances are in another. I liken it to a baby who knows (feels) they can walk, wants to walk, but their body is limited to something different.

I feel travel, I feel financial security, I feel loving relationship, I feel healthy body, I feel enjoyable career, I feel freedom, I feel wisdom, I feel happiness….at any given moment my spirit and mind leave the “building” and I am tortured by being physically stuck in a place that does not feel comfortable and by being mentally stuck in a place where I need to be.

Upon explaining this predicament which makes me seem like a great candidate for medication, my friend calmly took it all in and simply said “Your spirit and your mind have transcended the transition while your flesh and your circumstances are playing catch up.”

Deep, right? Yea…I know. I was speechless too. It made perfect sense. My spirit and my mind are finally on one accord and they have moved past this holding pattern in which my flesh and my circumstances are apparently stuck.  It makes me feel better to know that I am not losing it, but the knowing then begs the question: What do I do about it? “You are going to have to be patient, keep moving forward and working toward catching up,” she said.

~SM

The Mind

The mind is a terrible thing to waste, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. The older I become, the more and more I find truth in that statement.

When the Boy & Girl were younger, I spent most of my days in the Stupid-Haze. The Stupid-Haze is the cloud of stupidity that follows you around and numbs all your good common sense and every ounce of your education (both schoolhouse and life). You start speaking in broken English and wondering why you were in the grocery store (sigh).

Part of the reason why I found myself in the idiot predicament was because I stopped working on the gray (or grey…I’m still working on it) matter.  I stopped reading. I stopped writing. I stopped having adult conversation that did not consist of kids, cartoons and bills. I stopped coloring, drawing and painting. I stopped playing games and laying on the grass. I stopped feeding my spirit. Instead I dumbed myself down by numbing myself.

A day came when I became aware of my new found stupidity and something needed to be done. I began moving back to what I loved–learning.  When we stop learning, we stop creating. When we stop creating, we stop living.  When we stop living, we stop evolving. Evolution is essential to Spirit survival.  A healthy, happy spirit is nourished by the constant openness (and willingness) to be still and learn.

Naturally, that takes a bit of effort through reading, writing, meditating, and creating, and that suites me just fine. I am committed to the process of learning through various channels and opening up my mind to what is possible both inside and outside of myself.

~SM

Joy In Between

Your spirit gets weary with the battles you fight daily. You battle in your home. You battle in your heart. You battle in your mind. You battle on your job and it seems like there is no rest…ah, but joy…Joy is waiting in the in between. Those quiet moments in the morning, the sight of your child at rest, the laughter of a loved one, the deep breath you take before beginning again are all apart of the joy in between. Find your joy in those moments, gather your strength, refocus on your goals, and just lift your hands to say thank you. Grab your small moments of joy and hold them close. They are the fuel you need to take it one day, one moment, one small battle at a time.

~SM

Today I AM: Wanting the More

Today I AM wanting the more. Yesterday ended a very nice trip out of town. Of course pulling up in the driveway was nice and seeing familiarity was good, however, I still was not ok. I wanted the more. You know…the more…the more out of life lurking in the shadows. I no longer want the mediocre. I no longer want the “well…it’s a _____” or the “at least it’s ____”.  I want the sigh of “I can’t believe I’m doing/seeing/holding ___” and big smiles. I want the ability to chart my own territory. I want the more.  I need the more. I feel stifled and unhappy without it. I feel held back and out of place. There is more–I can feel it vibrating above, beside, below. There is more…there is the more…there is my more…and I want it.

~SM

Today I AM: A Traveler

Today I AM a traveler.  For months and months I have been pining to travel. I have watched planes fly over head and wished I could just reach up and go too. I have planned vacations that I am pretty sure I can’t possibly afford. I have thumbed through the blank pages of my passport and reminded myself that I have 9 years left to make it useful. I have stared at maps and flipped through travel magazines all to remind myself that there is more out there to see and do and feel. Today (albeit I didn’t go very far) I am a traveler. I traveled to a different time zone, breathed different air, drove on different roads and even though it isn’t that major of a distance–it is a world away for me. I am so giddy! This is what I have been waiting for…to just pack a bag (or 4) and go. Oh the places I will go….

~SM

Today I AM: Happy

Today I AM happy. I don’t think I have ever really ever been happy. I have felt happiness. I have felt things that mimic happy, but I have never really known happy. Today I know happy. I am happy with being alone. I am happy with my body (go figure!). I am happy with my position in life. I am just happy with it all. Happiness, I have very recently found, has nothing to do with the external. It isn’t contentment. It isn’t acceptance. It’s being right where you are and having gratitude for being a step further than you were. It’s loving everything…the good, the bad, the fat and the ugly. It’s forgiving others, sure, but definitely forgiving self. Happiness isn’t guilt feelings over things that were said or done. It’s telling the anger, the hurt, or pain that while you acknowledge its place, your heart no longer has room enough to receive it. Happy is good. Happy is feeling like a room without a roof 😉

~SM