I can honestly say I am happy. I can also honestly say I have not completely found joy, but with the new found happiness I believe I am moving in the right direction.
Perhaps the dark veil has been lifted or maybe I just decided to not give a damn. Either way it happened. The long self-talks and the even longer steamy hot showers, the weekend brunches and the dating (self) have proven to be helpful tools in recovery. I have been able to weed the Garden of Sommer and learn to take every day one moment at a time.
I was a die hard planner. Always have been, really, but after having kids planning (and back-up planning) became an essential part of life. When the winds of change came huffing, puffing and blowing my house down, I realized all of the plotting and planning in the world could not save anything. All of the lists and calendars and control-freak tendencies would never make life easier….it only prolonged the eventual crazy.
Each day, I get up, I say thanks to God, read the verse of the day and the rest is up for debate. I don’t worry about the day ahead, who has what, who is going where, or why they are doing/going/seeing/moving/saying. Each quarter of my day is based on simplicity. Some days, like any other human, I get in my own stupid way, but for the most part I float. Nothing is left to order…everything is left to chance.
It is liberating to just simply let go. You hear people say it all of the time. “Let go and let God” or “If you love something, let it go” or just simply “Let it go”. Eckart Tolle says it best when he says all we have is right now, this moment. Letting go has helped me to become a happier individual. The only plan I am currently making is to stick around in Happy Town for a bit. It feels so good to be back.