Small victories

I love music. I actually love to dance too, but I never do it in front of people…shy I guess. With so many songs in your head, on the radio and in your virtual catalog it’s nothing to flip a switch and sing your mood to better or to healing or to Jesus….except when it all goes….silent.

A friend of mine was going through the whole he-cheated-she-found-out thing and she said that she couldn’t watch television or listen to music. She couldn’t watch movies or read books. She silenced everything. At the time, I had not been through the he-cheated-she-found-out thing yet and I couldn’t understand….until one day I did.

Silence. Even the light hurt my brain. Tears hurt. Happy hurt. Anger hurt. Nothing felt good. The silence was deafening. It allowed my thoughts to stomp around free…and loud. My dad (he may never know just how much the small gesture saved me) gave me his radio. It sat perfectly on the bathroom counter, kitchen counter, night stand….and it was loud enough to drown out the pain.

I started slow with Adele. If anyone understood, she did. I soaked in the tub or stood in the shower until the water ran cold and mentally unwound. A few months later came Pink. Her music (So What, especially) pulled me up. Then came gospel…Mary Mary, Fred Hammond, Marvin Sapp…without Him, I definitely never would have made it (get it).

One day (very recently), while cleaning up, a love song came on the radio. I didn’t change the channel. I actually sang and danced along. The radio stayed on for hours and I listened to R & B songs about being in love, making love, hating love, falling out of love and everything in between. I sang. I sang terribly. Finally, I was able to sing dry eyed.

I make it a point to no longer live without music. Sometimes it’s Queen. Sometimes it’s good ol’ Marvin Gaye. Sometimes it’s Pink or Biggie or Anita Baker or Paramore. No matter what I’m listening to, I smile and remind myself of the small victory. Oh…yea…and to never allow anyone to break me down to deafening silence again. Cheers to victories–big and small.

~SM

2 thoughts on “Small victories”

  1. I’m in love with music also. india arie, adele, corrine bailey rae, john mayer, Christina perri, ti, gospel, rap, country, r & b, hip hop. I love it all. I love to turn it up loud and feel the music.

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