And Then There Was…

One. And then there was one. In my head, after those words come slip-sliding in my brain, I hear some guy (Neil Diamond maybe?) singing that one is the loneliest number that there ever will be. I am not quite sure if there’s truth in that statement…at least not from where I stand. One isn’t quite the loneliest number…right? You can be lonely no matter how large or small the digit.

After having a men-are-ass-clowns text bash session with a friend of mine (pretty much one sided–she is more mature in those matters), I realized that perhaps not all men suck, but, still, I am not making plans to stick around to find out.

No, I do not intend to go all Gone Girl (great book by the way), but I think it is time for me to simply to shut the door on men until I can stomach them again. Right now I think I am too angry and too simple for any company. I am putting myself in time out. I am taking myself down to the loneliest number there ever will be.

Love is fine. Romance is fine. Dating is okay. Late night phone calls and sweet text exchanges are butterfly worthy, however, this girl has no time to spare for any of it. Maybe later. Maybe when I am done playing catch up to the years wasted–err–put on hold. Maybe when I get bored with myself. For now, though, I am completely over it.

My friend said that I needed peace. She was right. I need peace. Not the om-yoga-Super-Soul-Sunday peace, but the type of get up, no worries, & breathe peace. I cannot possibly cultivate peace with hangers on. The truth of the matter is that love is scary, thus disturbing my zen. Romance is flighty, thus disturbing my schedule. Dating is time consuming, thus disturbing my relaxation. Late night conversations are stupid, thus disturbing my sleep pattern. Sweet text exchanges fall in line with romance only lazier, thus disturbing my day. Certainly there can be no peace found in any of that. It all requires me to make room for someone else and quite honestly, I have no room. My plate is pretty full. Once it’s clean–perhaps I can give it the ol’ college try, but until then….well….you know how it goes ‘one is the loneliest number that there ever will be’ and that is just alright with me.

~SM

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