TGIT: No Looking Back

It appears that every year the theme of Thursday nights (Scandal anyway) fits my life. Last year it was “The Secret Is Out”. That explains itself to my particular 2013 situation. This year is no different: “No Looking Back”. Cudos to you Ms. Rhimes…no wonder why I have a crush on you.

Every Thursday for the last I don’t know how many years, I grab a bottle of wine, a naughty dessert or fancy cheese, and curl up on the couch with tissues in hand. For two hours I allow myself to get lost in the genius that is the imagination of a woman who is no different than me. She has a life, children, a job (a little more glam than mine, but we are talking loose comparisons here), big boobs and jiggly bits. For two hours, wine works to loosen my brain and fog the thoughts of broken budgets, late rent, cheating husbands, argumentative kids, the price of gas and dreams deferred. For two hours there is…..nothing.

Last year, Thursday night was a saving grace. Friday through Wednesday I lived to get lost. I needed to get lost. Lost in fiction. I needed to unravel the tight knot of Life and breathe. The secret was indeed out and I needed to blur the loss.

This year it will be different. Different from the years before–blindly watching and sneaking into bed next to my husband…smiling about the cliff hanger or the tears cried over fictional people. Different from last year blindly watching and collapsing on the couch refusing to sneak into bed next to my husband. This year I will slip into bed alone, still smiling over a night that solely belonged to me. No tiny annoyances pulling at the frayed edges, no restless sleepy thoughts of what I was trying to run away from. This year there is no looking back. There are only decisions and consequences. There are no second looks and there is certainly no glancing back…for the characters…for the fans….for me.

It could be crazy, being this connected to fiction, but it’s my crazy and I love it. I love being connected to the fiction, the work, the genius behind it all. I love being linked to the crazy, twisty, good of the genius–the crazy, twisty, good of the unraveling of the knot of Life. Cheers to Thursdays. Cheers to Rhimes. Cheers to never…not ever looking back.

~SM

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