Farewell To The Weighting Game

This morning I stood on the scale in the dim light of the dawn. I stopped worrying about the number a few weeks ago–not really caring what it said as long as I could run a mile without having a heart attack. The art of being a thick chick/fat chick/pleasantly plump chick/curvy chick/plus size chick/chunky chick has never been lost on me. Wake up, weigh, gasp, write out a plan, work the plan, drop weight, get lazy (or injured….or depressed….or divorced), gain it all back and repeat. Only now, possibly from 35 year old wisdom, I don’t really care.

I have been on that scale before and it has read anywhere between 287 to 235. I have scoffed at myself in the mirror, I have danced around in the bathroom naked in celebration, I have shrugged off the lack of change. The experience is always different, yet it is always the same. Judgement. Self-judgement…the worse kind.

I have noticed a change in my body, but not so much on the scale. For once…I am okay with that. I no longer put off buying clothes for the sake of the smaller me. I no longer really care if my stomach ever shrinks enough so I can at least see my vagina (yea…we lost touch about, oh, i dunno–13 years ago). I no longer care about the flabby arm hang or the jiggly thighs. The double chin doesn’t really concern me either. I am no longer in the need to impress others–which includes the stuck-in-the-145lb-past part of me. I am just in it to live. And, after all, that is the goal….right?

~SM

2 thoughts on “Farewell To The Weighting Game”

  1. I have spent the last 30 minutes reading all of september and all I can say our words are powerful and full of meaning. Thank you for putting them out there for me to read

    1. Thank you Aila, that means so much. While it is therapeutic for me, I am also hoping that it helps someone do something courageous–whether it be cutting their hair or deciding to run or taking a breath during a major life shift. I pray my words are doing good work.

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