Hairy Situation

Hair, to most women, is their crowning glory. Why else would we spend nights sleeping sitting up? Or spending hundreds of dollars to sew on someone else’s hair to their heads? Hair is important. It makes a woman feel…super. So why in the world did this woman cut hers off?

Last year (or the year before–I dunno–my life is a blur) I went completely natural, mostly because I could not really afford to get my hair done.¬† I was also working out like a maniac and moisture plus relaxer equals beauty parlor much much sooner than anticipated. The decision was not met well with The He, but once I set my mind to something I do it.

The ultimate end to the story was that when my hair was natural I was happy. I felt good. I felt less pressure to be something someone else wanted but then….something happened. The He found a new She and when my gut said something was wrong with our “happy” little life I doubted myself. I doubted what I wanted. When The He said he was no longer attracted to me because of my hair….I marched straight to the salon and relaxed it. I was miserable.

Here I am, almost a year from the day I changed myself for the liking of someone else, back to natural. Again, it wasn’t intentional. I am also back to working out like a maniac and (again) I cannot afford to get it done. Here I am, almost a year from the day my heart was ripped from my chest, back to being me.

Last night, I got up off the couch, grabbed a pair of scissors, and cut away what was left of someone else’s idea of what made me attractive. I cut away the shame of physically changing myself for another person. I cut away the hurt and the brokenness and stepped a little closer to The Me. I cut away the reminder that what others perceive as beautiful has no bearing on my actual beauty. I cut away everyone else and finally…finally…saw just little old me. And, oh, how beautiful she is with her short, curly, salt & pepper crown.

~SM

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